S class Kids
by riptocs
Summary: Hidan and Deidara get turned into 5 year olds, forcing the Akatsuki to raise them into perfect ninjas while trying to find a way to get them back to normal. T for Hidan's potty mouth...at age 5...yes.


Deidara crouched beside the small lake near the base, using his hand-mouths to taste around for the richest pockets of clay hidden in the soaked sediment. He hummed a soft tune, grinning when he reached the desired substance and started pulling it out clump after clump. Soon, his black and red Akatsuki cloak was soaked and bore white patches of drying clay and dirt. He was so caught up in his clay gathering, however, he didn't notice anything was amiss. The approaching chakra signatures didn't even register in his mind, how absorbed in his art he was and the stream of possible creations that stemmed from his mind as he worked.

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Jikan Hajime and his sister as well as lover (sickos), Jikan Ayako turned to each other and grinned.

"What a troubled soul! So involved in his task and wrapped up in his art so he doesn't have to focus on his horrendous past!" Hajime chuckled and took his sister's hand when she spoke.

"Kukuku, let us give him a better past then, to put his mind more at east! If I See right, he is a member of the Akatsuki! I wonder how well they can…help him along."

"Your mind works in the most wonderful ways, my love! Let's see what we can do!"

"You're so charming, Ayako. Time Reversal no Jutsu!"

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Sasori did not like being interrupted when he was working on his puppets. He did not like explosions, he did not like watching people eat and sleep, he did not like pesky emotions (especially ones concerning his partner), and he did not like brats. In fact, there were very few things he actually did like…most of which consisted of creating new poisons, stabbing people with his puppets, and stabbing people with his puppets equipped with weapons coated with his aforementioned poisons.

But being disturbed while creating his art was something he especially hated. So when Zetsu rose through the floor in order to tell him that he and the brat had a mission, he wasn't in the best of moods to begin with. As he stalked towards "the cave" also known as Pein's office, he became aware of a certain…lacking of annoying blonde brat. And while he was pleased that he didn't have to listen to the bomb user's irritating voice and views on art, he knew something was amiss.

If there was one thing Sasori made sure Deidara knew before long after starting their partnership, it was that Sasori didn't like to wait. Therefore, Deidara made it a priority of his to arrive at Pein's meetings alongside his partner, so as not to make him wait. But alas, there was no blonde brat. Sasori hated waiting.

"Where's Deidara?" Pein asked immediately, staring at Sasori with his creepy (in Sasori's opinion but he was much too stuck up to actually use the word creepy) eyes as he entered the cave.

"How should I know? I don't keep tabs on the brat. And he knows better than to make me wait." Sasori growled, but did not openly disrespect Pein for fear of his life…or at least of his current puppet body.

"He is not in the base. **It is awfully quiet in here.**" Zetsu rose from the ground.

"What do you mean he's not in the base? Where else could he be?" Sasori frowned, glaring at Zetsu.

"**I don't know, he's your partner.** Be nice. Of course, we'll help look for him outside as well."

"Hidan and Kakuzu are still in the base, right? Have them help you. Itachi and Kisame are on a mission and won't be back until tomorrow. Get moving, now. I still have a job for the two of you."

The others nodded and left while Konan stayed behind. "I hope he's alright."

Pein scoffed. "He's an S-ranked criminal. Nothing can take him down easily."

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Sasori decided to forgo Hiroku in favor of speed, leaping from branch to branch to cover more distance. He kept his ears open for any telltale explosions and his eyes for any (it's just a possibility, don't kill me!) human remains. He both inwardly and outwardly cursed the younger blonde for making him go through all of this trouble to find him.

"I swear, brat, when I find you I'll let you become personally acquainted with my art. Since leader-sama won't let me turn you into a puppet, I'll have to settle with beating you up with one." Sasori grumbled, slicing through the branches with random blades because he was just that pissed off and annoyed with the blonde's disappearance. And worried too. A bit. Not much. Because he wouldn't be so worked up if he wasn't worried, right? No, he convinced himself it was pure one hundred percent annoyance. No worry there.

Besides, the brat was a powerful ninja in his own right. What bad could possibly happen?

Oh, the irony.

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Hidan cursed and eviscerated a tree branch with his compensation scythe as he ran by, like the angry Jashinist he is.

"Fucking Leader interrupting my fucking ritual to find that stupid disappearing pain in the ass Deidara! No fucking respect for my religion! Now I have to find another two fucking virgins to compensate for the unfinished ritual!" Hidan ranted and hacked apart more branches.

He then promptly proceeded to glare at the air for simply existing and invading his personal space like the kind and good natured person he is. His partner, Kakuzu, had long ago tired of Hidan's grumbling and cursing and had less than cordially suggested that they split up to "cover more ground."

Little did anyone know that that would be the Jashinist's undoing. The fact of the matter was, Hidan had very few actual ninja skills and talents besides being immortal and a religious, foul-mouthed freak. Therefore, he was quite easy to sneak up on simply because he believed himself invulnerable against enemy attack. Which would normally be true, had he been dealing with anyone else.

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The Jikan siblings/lovers were quickly fleeing the scene when Ayako suddenly stopped, sensing another deeply troubled soul. There were a lot of those appearing lately…

"Oh please, just one more?"

"No…you know the laws. The clan policy is only one a week. If we were to do it more often, the entire world's population would be effected at once! Then where would we be?"

"But you haven't looked into this one's mind! He worships Jashin!"

Hajime stopped, gritted his teeth and growled as an unmistakable twitch acted up above his left eye. How dare a twitch twitch so twitch-like?

"I suppose we can make an exception…if we don't tell."

"I wouldn't! I love you!"

"Fine then. Time Reversal no Jutsu!"


End file.
